Lady Drusilla's Road to Ruin Read online

  ‘I used the money I was given to buy a commission and did quite handsomely for myself as a soldier. I was aide-de-camp to the Earl of Folbroke. We were friends as well as comrades. When he returned home, I followed and took a position in his household.’

  ‘And you might have been equals…’

  ‘Or perhaps his superior,’ he added calmly, ‘had I been born on the right side of the blanket.’ He waited for her chilly response and the inevitable withdrawal. Their circumstances were unusual and some curiosity was natural. But a well-bred young lady would not stoop to befriend a by-blow.

  Instead, she continued as though she found nothing particularly unusual about his past. ‘I enjoyed my schooling as well. There is a great comfort to be found in books.’

  And why did you need comforting, I wonder? The woman was a curiosity.

  ‘But in such places as I was sent, most of the time is spent ensuring that young ladies are properly prepared to take their roles as wives and mothers, and are assets to the households of their intended husbands.’

  Which made them sound little better than servants. Perhaps they had more in common then he’d thought.

  She sighed. ‘When Mother died, it was agreed, amongst us, that it would be for the best that I come home from school and see to things.’

  Liar. Her father had commanded it, he was sure. He risked a question. ‘And what sorts of things needed seeing to?’

  ‘Once we were out of mourning, my younger sister, Priscilla, was ready to make her come out. And it has been decided that I must be her guard, until she finds a husband. The stronger must protect the weaker, after all.’

  ‘And you are the stronger,’ he said, softly.

  Her eyes narrowed. ‘I am. In mind and in body. I am older and wiser, as well. And with no mother to advise or protect her, someone must care for Priscilla.’ There had been the faintest, most fleeting hint of a something on her face as she had said it, as though she remembered a time not so long ago when she had not thought that way at all. But her father had called her home. And like an obedient daughter, she had come and done exactly as she was told, putting all of her own dreams aside for the good of her sister. More than her mother had died on that day, John was sure of it, but Lady Dru had convinced herself otherwise.

  Out of the blue, she added, ‘Priscilla is the prettier of the two of us, and with the extra attention she receives from so many gentlemen, there is an increased risk.’

  ‘Prettier than you?’

  For a moment, her frown faded into a look of surprise, softening her features into a dark attractiveness that quickened his pulse. ‘Of course. She is of a more appropriate height, delicate of frame, fair of hair, pale of skin.’

  And that explained why she would run to Scotland after a man who no longer wanted her. If she thought this Mr Gervaise was her only opportunity, if their understanding was that he would wait until she felt free to marry, she would be loathe to let him go.

  It pained him to see such hesitance in one who was normally so sure of herself. Would it do any harm to give her some assurance on her looks? For it was clear that no one else, not even the errant Gervaise, had done so. ‘There is nothing inappropriate about your height,’ he said. ‘It suits you. And your frame suits your height. In my experience, delicacy is as likely to go hand in hand with sickness as it is with beauty. A lack of frailty on your part is hardly an imperfection.’

  She was blinking at him again, as though she could not quite understand what it was that he meant. But it had brought a faint flush to her pale cheeks that made her all the more attractive, so he dared and went on, ‘Your colouring might not be the same as your sister’s, but it is most fetching. I am sure the two of you, when side by side, are an attractive counterpoint to each other.’ Now he was wishing he had a hand free to adjust his spectacles so that he might get a better look at her face before continuing. ‘That is only my opinion, of course. But there is nothing unusual about my tastes and assessment of feminine beauty. There are men who prefer the fair sex to be fair. And there are an equal number that enjoy raven hair and large dark eyes.’ At the moment, he fell too much in the latter category to say more.

  In fact, he had said too much already. He checked his watch. They were making good time, now that they could leave the roads as needed. He gave his passenger a brief warning and took the horses up a steep embankment, in an effort to find higher ground for them.

  And since he’d put his hand on her waist to steady her, it had seemed only natural to leave it there and enjoy the warmth of her ribs. It was a shame that she did not see beauty when she looked into the mirror, for he found nothing wrong with her. Perhaps she was tall for a woman, but there was nothing in the least masculine about the rest of her. He spread his fingers to span as much of her as he could, easing her body back against him.

  She responded by nestling closer. She relaxed against him, almost as if it required conscious effort to depend on the strength of another.

  And he wanted to be her strength. In the years he had worked for Folbroke and doted on the man’s wife, she had never once shown an interest in his past. They had been friends, of course, but not particularly close.

  But in less than a day together, Lady Drusilla Rudney had ferreted out the truth of his birth and forged a connection between them. This trip was not the only time she’d felt alone. He could see it in her guarded eyes, in the way she held herself, carefully self-contained at all times, and the way she was leaning into him, unguarded and fragile.

  Because of that fragility, he was a danger to her. Though his mind might want to reach out and comfort, his body felt the flesh-and-blood woman beside him and wanted a much more earthy connection. The movement of the horse shifted her against him and he had idle thoughts of stretching his fingers upwards to graze the bottoms of her breasts. And each change in gait raised a fresh fantasy as she rocked against him. Walking brought to mind a languid afternoon of love making. A canter made him think of a quick coupling and fear of discovery. And as he nudged them to a full gallop, he thought of a night of wild, uncontrolled, vigorous…

  ‘Mr Hendricks!’

  Chapter Six

  He pulled on the reins, bringing the horse up short, suddenly afraid that she had guessed the contents of his mind or felt his obvious physical response. ‘My lady?’

  He glanced around him, checking his surroundings, his watch and his compass, and comparing the results to the last mile marker he had seen to pretend that their progress had been the only thing on his mind.

  ‘Could we stop to rest? I think—’

  ‘An excellent idea.’ He practically leapt from the horse, helping her down and stepping quickly away from her. ‘The stand of trees over there looks quite inviting.’ He waited for the rebuke that must be coming. There should be shock and outrage, or at least some sign that she feared to be near him.

  Instead, she was biting her lip as though unsure what to say or do next. Then she gave a hesitant nod and half-muttered, ‘Perhaps that is it. I need to rest.’

  He let out a sigh of relief. She did not seem to be worrying about him at all. ‘Was the ride tiring for you?’ He offered her an arm to help her over the uneven ground as they walked the horses towards a stream by the grove.

  She gave an uneasy laugh. ‘I fear I do not make the best passenger. I could not seem to sit still.’ There was a gruffness about her words, as though they were more denial than total innocence. But the look in her eyes was confusion, and perhaps embarrassment. It seemed he was not the only one affected by their nearness.

  ‘It did not bother me overly,’ he said, for it hardly seemed fair to call such pleasant sensations an annoyance.

  ‘All the same, I do not think I wish to ride that way any longer. Is there no other way?’ She was looking at him, vulnerable and desperate, trusting that he would un
derstand and help her. And though he wanted nothing more than to tumble her in the grass, or sweep her into his arms and back into the saddle, he knew that he would not.

  He stared at her, wondering if he dared suggest what he was thinking. ‘There is a way that we can make better progress, if you are willing to take certain risks.’

  ‘Anything,’ she said eagerly, then looked at him, trying to appraise his plan and regain some of her old composure. ‘Well, nearly anything. What do you suggest, Mr Hendricks?’

  He went to the other horse and pulled down his bag, removing the clothing he had stashed there. He held them out to her. ‘Leather riding breeches, Lady Drusilla. And I have a spare shirt as well. If you were dressed in a less feminine way, you could ride astride with more comfort.’

  ‘Men’s clothing?’ she said, clearly appalled. ‘You expect me to wear breeches?’

  ‘From a distance, you would be mistaken for a boy. It would lessen the risk of someone recognising you as the Duke of Benbridge’s daughter.’

  ‘But it is very improper. I do not think I could…’

  ‘They will fit,’ he assured her. ‘While you appear to be…’ He cleared his throat, trying not to comment on the shape of her, which was as far from a man’s as he could imagine. ‘Well, at least we are of a similar height and, in most ways, I am larger than you. If we can cobble together a disguise out of spare clothing from my pack, it would do quite well for you.’

  She touched the clothes gently and he noticed how fine her hand looked, lying against the leather. ‘Would it add so much to the speed of our progress?’

  ‘You will find that men’s clothing is much less restrictive for trips like this. We will be able to move more quickly and will stop before returning to populated areas, to allow you to change into something more appropriate to your gender.’

  ‘And no one would ever know?’ she asked hopefully.

  ‘I will certainly tell no one,’ he said. ‘It is much better, is it not, that Lady Drusilla not be seen travelling alone with a strange man?’

  She gave a little shiver at the thought. He did not know whether to be angry or flattered by it, for at least it proved that she recognised him as a threat and not some neutered tool. ‘That is probably true. If the story of this trip gets out, I have already done great harm to my reputation. Can the addition of breeches make it worse?’

  He smiled encouragingly. ‘Very well, then. Take these and step behind the trees to change. If you run into difficulties…’ He thought of her half-dressed body and realised that there was not a damned thing he dared to do for her. ‘Make a brave attempt.’

  He waited where he was as she took the proffered clothing and concealed herself. To prevent temptation, he turned his back on the scene as well, so that he would not catch even a glimpse of bare skin through the sparse leaves.

  Or, worse yet, he might catch himself straining to see something. Though he had managed to keep his eyes respectfully averted for most of last night, after the ride they’d just shared, his will was not so strong.

  He heard her return a short time later and turned to find her standing with hands spread before her, in a gesture that sought approval. ‘Is this all right?’

  ‘Yes,’ he responded, trying to modulate his own voice and looking hurriedly away. ‘Yes. That will be quite satisfactory.’

  Dear God.

  When he’d made the suggestion, he had not given two thoughts to it. They were his own clothes, after all. He had seen them before.

  But never like this. The shirt was full, and covered her to the throat, obscuring the curves underneath it with billows of fabric. But it was far too thin. The dark peaks of her breasts were displayed plain for anyone who wished to look. The tender budding tips jutted against the cloth. And his eyes strained to see, like dogs at the end of a lead. He forced them back to her face, and stripped off his topcoat and handed it to her. ‘Perhaps this will help.’

  It did not. Not really. Her legs still protruded from the tails of the coat and the shapeliness of her calves was not obscured through the heavy stockings. The leather of the breeches pulled tight against her thighs and her nicely rounded bottom. The buff colour looked almost like bare skin. And it all seemed to settle into that final crease at the top of her legs, drawing his gaze to a place that he should never look, but that he very much wanted to admire. They were alone, far from interruption, and only a few buttons separated him from paradise.

  He turned away from her, busying himself with the harnessing of the horses, trying not to notice the increasing tightness in his own trousers, then pulled his glasses off, folded them and tucked them into the pocket of his coat.

  ‘Mr Hendricks,’ she said, ‘will you not need those to see what you are doing?’

  ‘Resting my eyes for a moment,’ he assured her. ‘It has been a long day, has it not?’ He turned back to the horse and raised the stirrups as though this were the only thing on his mind. ‘You must manage in your own boots, I’m afraid. Even if I had spares to offer, mine would fall off your feet.’

  Such dainty little feet.

  He rummaged in his pack for a soft hat. ‘Here. Put this over your hair.’

  She smiled at him in approval and pulled it into place. ‘It is a relief to know that you do not expect me to cut it. There are some things I would not do in the name of disguise.’

  ‘No. Never.’ He hoped that his sigh had not been too obvious to her. But he’d have as soon asked her to cut off her arm as lose that glorious dark hair. He imagined it, down, smooth and thick in his hands. Then he did his best to imagine anything else. For a moment, he tried to think of Emily, who had occupied so much of his thoughts only two days ago. Her hair had been shorter and blond. It was strange how quickly a thing that had seemed so important to him, had faded so quickly from memory.

  The same would likely be true of Lady Drusilla, once he was out of her sphere of influence. It must be, or it would drive him mad. When he glanced back at her, looking into her eyes this time, he could see that she would not. Or almost see, at any rate. For the blurring of his vision without the spectacles made her face soft, more childlike, her eyes large and bewildered, and her mouth rounded into a soft red bow. This was how she would look when he made love to her.

  Which he would never do, he reminded himself. He had no right to even think such things about her. The list of reasons against it was almost too long to count.

  ‘It is time we were going again,’ he said, staring up at the sun. ‘I do not mean to stop until dark. Then we will return to the main road, find an inn and enquire about your friend.’

  He went to her and offered her a leg up into the saddle of the big horse. For a moment, her foot rested in the cradle of his hands, and his face was far too near to her leg. He felt light headed with the desire to press his lips against the place he could reach. Then it was over and she was mounted, the horse dancing until she took control of the reins.

  He looked up critically. ‘You are sure that you will be all right with this?’

  She straightened, stiffened and seemed to grow braver with each passing moment, though her eyes widened at the feel of the horse between her legs. ‘It will be fine, because it must be so. And you are right. I can tell already that it is easier to ride when one can control the beast under one and not perch on it like a decoration.’ She glared down at him, eyebrows and chin raised. ‘And if you ever tell anyone I said that, I shall sack you immediately.’

  ‘Yes, my lady,’ he responded, with a small bow, dropping with difficulty back into the role of servant.

  He rearranged the luggage and mounted his own horse. Then he pointed her in the right direction and allowed her to set the pace, for he did not wish to push her beyond her capacities.

  He watched her ride. For someone with little experience, she had a good seat and showed
no signs of fearing the animal he had given her. That was fortunate; he had no wish to end the day tearing across the open country after a runaway stallion, trying to save her from a fall. She chose a gait that was not too arduous on horse or rider, but still gained them time over the unreliable coach. It was hard not to admire her almost masculine single-mindedness in pursuit of a goal.

  From his position behind her, he could admire her body as well. Now that the coat hid her form, there was really nothing to see. But his imagination was good, as was his memory. At some point, they would have to stop. And he would sleep in the stable before sharing another bed with her, lest he forget himself again.

  Chapter Seven

  Mr Hendricks pulled up beside her, and signalled her to slow her horse to a walk. ‘We shall be stopping soon,’ he said, checking his watch against the position of the sun. ‘While it might be possible to travel farther, we must change horses to keep this pace. We could take a room—’ He corrected himself ‘—rooms. And get some dinner.’

  ‘Or we can hire fresh mounts and continue for a few more hours,’ she said.

  ‘You are not tired?’

  ‘Not if there is a chance that we are gaining on them.’ They’d had no information since the stop this morning. And she must hope that the speed they were moving had closed the distance.

  ‘And you are comfortable as you are attired?’ He looked doubtfully at her borrowed costume.

  ‘I am accustomed to it,’ she said, not wishing to commit herself. It was strangely freeing to go without skirts, as long as she did not think of how it must look. She could bend low over the horse’s neck and gallop if she wished, unencumbered by petticoats, not worrying about the set of her hat or the attractive arrangement of the garments. And while she felt the stretching of unused muscles, it was not so much painful as troubling. There was a guilty pleasure in it that would not be repeated. And she wished to prolong that a few more hours, if she could.

  ‘Very well, then. We will stop at the next inn, and I will check for your wayward carriage and hire us some new steeds. You…’ He looked her up and down before speaking again. ‘You had best remain in the courtyard. Keep your coat buttoned and your hat pulled low. Speak to no one and do not wander off.’ He looked at her again as though he expected to see something he had not noticed before. ‘I am sorry to say it, my lady, but you do not make a very convincing man.’